Lessons from the longest study on human development | Helen Pearson

Tips For Getting Off to a Good Start in High School

Strong, realistic study habits make all the difference

Ruth Lee, MEd, ET/P

Like the fireman whose clothes and boots are laid out so he can jump on the truck at a moment’s notice, getting yourself organized and ready for a new school year can really help you get off to a good start.

In high school, you can expect more homework and less oversight from parents and teachers. it’s up to you to structure your own time and study routines, and how you do that makes all the difference in how successful you’ll be. Study habits that are effective for you—realistic about your strengths and weaknesses—will leave mind space available for the reason you go to school: to learn. Here are some tips:

• Be realistic about time. If you’re starting at a new school, do a run-through of your schedule so you will know the best route to classes and how much time you will need to get there.
• Buy an academic planner/calendar with large daily blocks in which to write your assignments and class schedule. Get in the habit of writing assignments in them while you are still in class, as teachers are writing or handing them out, to cut the risk that you’ll forget.
• In your planner, mark out blocks of time for each assignment. Get in the habit of timing your assignments so you can realistically estimate how long it takes to, say, do math problems or write an essay or read 50 pages. In this way, you will soon be able to accurately mark out those blocks.
• Plan manageable chunks of time to work, not one long slog.This will lower your resistance to settling down to work and you’ll get positive reinforcement each time you finish a chunk.
• Use color-coding for each subject. This will allow you to see at a glance which classes require the most attention on a given day, week, or month. The colors work as an “eye opener” to focus your attention on what needs to be done.
• Schedule personal time as well as work time in your planner.It’s important to put aside time for things you want to do, so that you know that school work isn’t taking all the fun out of your life. If your activities have their “own space,” you won’t have to take time away from fun to do your work. There’s time for both!
• Schedule weekends as well as weekdays. If you set aside blocks of time for work during the weekend you’ll see clearly that there’s plenty of time left for other things you want to do.
• Use a timer. If you’re planning to read for a half hour, you won’t waste a lot of time and energy looking at the clock all the time, and you can focus more on what you’re reading.
• Be realistic about when you’re going to get up. Don’t schedule a big block of study time for 8-11 Saturday morning if you’re basically never awake at that time. If you do manage to get up, you’ll resent not getting enough sleep; if you don’t, you’ll feel badly about oversleeping.
• Be strategic about work and play. If you’re going to dinner and a movie with friends on Saturday night, reserve 1-4pm for studying. You’ll have an incentive to concentrate while you’re working, and afterwards will be able to go out without worrying about work.
• Schedule breaks. Give yourself a break every half hour when you’re working, but don’t do something you could get pulled into, like checking email or talking on the phone. Do something physical—shoot some hoops or make the bed or get a snack—but something over which you have control.
• Set up your environment to work for you. Prepare a space in which to work with a full set of supplies; this will be a real time and energy saver and will help prevent procrastination.
• Consider your sound track. Some people need white noise to concentrate effectively, others music, others complete silence. Know what works and let it work for you!
• Get a big wall calendar to post in your room. This is for long-term assignments, because seeing things on paper, in color, can help you become a strategic planner and get your tasks done in a timely manner.

https://childmind.org/article/tips-for-getting-off-to-a-good-start-in-high-school/

What mental health experts say to their kids about school shootings

How to help your kids feel safe when their world feels out of control.

by Nicole Spector / Feb.14.2018 / 5:18 PM ET

Like mass shootings in general, school shootings have gone from being a rare tragedy to a tragic reality. Already in 2018 there have been at least 17 instances of gun violence in U.S. schools, including the shooting Wednesday at a high school in Parkland, Florida. In one recent attack at a Kentucky middle school, two children were killed and 18 others were wounded when a fellow student opened gunfire. When I saw the news, I felt the all too familiar sinking in my gut, the clench of anxiety in my throat as thoughts of the victims and their families careened through my mind. I took a moment to do my version of praying for those affected and to ponder a question that has been on my mind since the Sandy Hook shooting in 2012: How can you possibly explain these shootings to your kids and how to do you talk about it?

I put these questions to mental health experts who are also parents dealing with these concerns at home. Here are their best strategies to keep the lines of communication open and your own emotions in check.

HAVE YOUR OWN SUPPORT SYSTEM AND SELF-CARE RITUALS

For your own sake and your children’s, it’s critical that you make time to quell your own anxieties before diving into the issue at hand.

“To have these conversations open and honestly you need to take care of yourself as a parent,” says Kristin Wilson, a licensed professional counselor and clinician with a teenage daughter. “Have your own support system in a spouse or friend or another go-to person, so that when you're talking to your child you've already processed through it.”

Wilson adds that she experienced her own scare when her daughter’s school was on lockdown for over six hours due to the possibility of a shooter. She found out on the news, when it was leaked to a local media network.

To have these conversations open and honestly you need to take care of yourself as a parent.

To have these conversations open and honestly you need to take care of yourself as a parent.

“I was on the phone with my partner and my friends trying to process everything,” she says. “Having your own support group is important as is indulging in self-care so you're not so reactionary. Yoga, mindfulness practice, exercise and really anything you can do to better your mental health is essential, because sadly, this is a reality now.”

LET YOUR KIDS TAKE THE LEAD

You may be unsure where to even begin with such a heavy topic. Consider asking your kids what their questions are before you give your two cents.

“It is often best to let your child take the lead in asking questions about difficult situations so that you only share what you feel is necessary to satisfy their inquiries,” says Dr. Allison Agliata, a clinical psychologist, head of an independent middle school in Tampa Bay and the mother of three children ages 12 and younger. “Otherwise, as parents, we tend to either share too little and leave them wondering, or over-explain and freak them out.”

SET A TIME TO TALK DAILY OR WEEKLY WITH NO SCREENS

Most of the mental health experts I spoke with strongly recommended having screen-free routine family time, and using that time to talk one-on-one with your kids about school shootings and any other issues that may be top of mind. For Wilson, this means a daily check-in at the dinner table.

Consider asking your kids what their questions are before you give your two cents.

Consider asking your kids what their questions are before you give your two cents.

“Sometimes my check-in is as simple as, ‘How was school today?’ And other times it’s a more uncomfortable topic about drugs and alcohol or school violence,” says Wilson, adding that this longstanding ritual has enabled her daughter to always count on this time to talk, trusting that it’s a space to discuss both the good and the bad. “If you set the groundwork early, they will naturally come to you with concerns as well as really awesome things.”

And it doesn’t have to be at the dinner table. Christopher Gerhart, a licensed and certified substance abuse counselor finds that he and his preteen daughter have their best talks about serious matters such as gun violence while he walks her to school. Kelley Kitley, a licensed clinical social worker talks with her four kids ages 11 and under individually at bedtime.

“For us it's a lot calmer. Our household is chaotic [during the day], but at that time lights are dim. It’s usually about 15 minutes each and they really look forward to it,” Kitley says. Dr. Agliata has found bedtime works best for her family as well adding, “we reflect on the day and they have some one on one time with me to share their thoughts.”

TEACH THEM HOW TO DE-STRESS WITH BREATH-WORK AND GRATITUDE

The choice to talk deeply to kids at bedtime could have parents asking, “Can’t that create anxious thoughts?” Not if your kids are equipped with de-stressing mechanisms such as deep breathing exercises.

“They lay on the bed, hands on tummy inhaling through their nose, then blowing out like they’re putting out a candle,” says Kitley of the technique she teaches. “And they take five long deep breaths.”

After talking, Kitley also has her kids focus on the stuff they enjoy rather than the stuff they fear.

“I say, ‘think of five things you really loved about your day.’ It’s a way of acknowledging that, yes, bad things happen to good people but let’s be grateful for where we are. It’s not avoiding, but rather validating how they’re feeling and understanding what is our reality right now.”

ENCOURAGE YOUR KIDS TO FEEL THEIR FEELINGS

If your child is really upset about this or other issues, that’s okay too. Allow them to experience those feelings rather than to suppress them.

“[My son] is inundated with violent videos being shared on Snapchatof fights at school,” says Lynn Zakeri, a licensed clinical social worker and the mother of two adolescents. “I talked with him recently about allowing himself to have feelings about these videos: be overwhelmed; be worried; be sad; be scared, and then, more importantly, have empathy. These are natural responses. Allow them to happen.”

I focus on what we have control over. I don't make promises I can't keep.

I focus on what we have control over. I don't make promises I can't keep.

DON’T MAKE PROMISES YOU CAN'T KEEP — BUT DO ASSURE THEM

Perhaps the most troubling issue for parents is that part of their job is to help their children feel safe in a world that can turn deadly in an instant.

“The truth is, they trust me to keep them safe,” says Zakeri. “I can't succumb to what if’s because they are not practical and they perpetuate anxiety. Instead I focus on what we have control over. I don't make promises I can't keep.”

Zakeri likens this to the sort of talks they have when getting on an airplane. “[Saying] ‘I promise you will be safe’ is very different than, ‘We can only trust what we know for sure which is [X,Y,Z].’”

But perhaps the most important thing you can do in all of this, is what you’re already doing: loving your kids and putting care and time into how you address these frightful facts of life.

“As long as parents are putting thought, energy and love into their conversations, it is unlikely you are going to really mess things up,” says Dr. Agliata, adding that even she wishes she had more definitive answers for her children about why violent situations occur and how we could stop them. But she doesn’t. “Humanity is complicated and so rather than concentrating on the fear of what could happen, my main objective is to instill a sense of power in my children so that they don't let random, single incidents impede their love of life and quest for adventure. There is so much to experience in life that I never want them to take the safe route out of fear.”

https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/how-mental-health-experts-talk-their-kids-about-school-shootings-ncna845586